1. This beer tastes like Im not going to work tomorrow. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) The joy of a thousand angels to you. To prosperity! Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Learn more about Box of Puns. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? 51.) Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. May the very best of your past being the very worst of your future. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! 62.) 9. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Heres to those who wish us well, All the rest can go to hell. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. We are happy to present the ultimate collection of bachelorette party . He was in a pub when he proposed. No more reading! May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there." "I drank to your health in company. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. To my schizophrenic friend. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. 24.) The most funny toasts for drinking 1. 1.) "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. He does the cows and heifers good. Now that you know, here are some funny drinking toast ideas you haven't heard: 1. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. Conditions of If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. 40 of the Best Drinking Toasts 1. Now we compare statins. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. If you Fight, may you fight for a friend. -Quint. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. Heres toasting to your health. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. 6. May we get what we want and may we get what we need, but may we never get what we deserve. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and worst, and still cant tell the difference. (Mark Twain). 15. The next party is justifiable with this drinking quote, even to your mom. Chill for best results. Where you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! below:Here's to me. When I like them, I kiss them. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. Heres to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one. Bawdy Drinking Toasts Bawdy Toasts Here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! An ox walks into a bar. May it always be the other guy who says, this drinks on me.. In the third year of marriage, they both speak, and the neighbors listen. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. It can also be seen as not fully participating in the toast and the communal drinking experience. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside. She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. When we drink to the usual, we So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! Son, when I was your age there was no social media. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink. He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. A good girl and an honest one. 4. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Start a bachelor party or any celebration at the bar with this winning poetic but funny toast. The only toast we do is our drinking song. Heres to the heat. In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks, and the man listens. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. AG. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. May our penises always be harder than our lives. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. "Here's health to those I love and wealth to those who love me." "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. 6. God damn them! The only war where you sleep with the enemy. The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. 71.) MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. ], [Retrieved from Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as No retreat, no surrender. Weve assembled a hilarious list of drinking humor to get a laugh or a smile out of the toughest audience. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. 9. ENGLEWOOD, Colo., March 12, 2019 /PRNewswire/ -- Whether it's wearing green, eating corned beef and cabbage or drinking green beverages, people around the world celebrate the Irish heritage on . One cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure a clever guy. It said, You drink too much.. Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?Student: A drinking problem.. Which My Little Pony character are you like? The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. 2. To us, for this is the youngest well ever be and the oldest weve been. Then I hit the floor. Heres to marriage. 64.) Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. Heres to It, And to It again. Another theory suggests that cheering originated to ward off evil spirits before consuming. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. Prince. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. Jokes vs toasts. My friends are the best friends Loyal, willing, and able. No retreat no surrender. When I kiss them, I love them. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. Guy in bar: Have you got anything to drink?Bartender: Water.Guy in bar: I meant something harder?Bartender: Ice.. Heres to the big bull in the woods. 96.) May it always be the other guy. I'll drink to the Girls who do! We hope you found some quote within this list that suits you and represents you as a character. The third one ducked. Heres a toast to the future, a toast to the past, and a toast to our friends, far and near. 11. 35.) 8. When the bartender serves him, he says, "I see you didn't order a beer for one of your brothers. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end. Here's to the people we've . I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. Cookie Notice All Illustrations: Aida Amer (Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock) Raise your glass and sing a song of celebration! But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. how smart, or how cute she is. After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. 45.) The glass is brim. 21.) However, in casual settings, the terms are often used interchangeably. Down the hatch! Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. Heartbreak makes you wiser. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich May they never stop. Irish Birthday Toasts. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. "Happy birthday! Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. A time traveler walks into a bar. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! A: Boos! 4. 3.) Happy birthday. She always finds her way back. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. 2. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. 37.) drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms. Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you. 3. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. Doesnt everyone?Noel Coward, There comes a time in every womans life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.Bette Davis, Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleepwhoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends . Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. All glasses off the table! Use. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. I drank to your health in company. "May you live as . In a bookshop, Temple Bar district. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Remembering good St. Patrick, who by strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland. Look like a beauty, party like a beast One more night, let's do it right Hit me baby, one more wine Pop it like it's hot This bitch is gettin' hitched Sip happens 'Til death do us party Come on. 86.) MDM Life is a banquet and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death. -- 12. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a good night and a great night. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. May this be the least happy day of your life. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. 58.) May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. Here's to the New Year and the new friends who will join us. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. Heres to you. A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. So lets get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life. IF we do, fuck you, here's to me. 4. "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." An oldie but goodie. Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!, 43.) May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, And never catch up. Time is a waste of life. 32. But the ocean's not beer and I'm not a duck, so let's drink these pints and get messed up. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. May your heart be light and happy. Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. May we live to learn well and learn to live well. 78.) By S.J. May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. 5. A quick death and an easy one. But wheres the fun in that? Take everything in moderation including moderation. Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. He says, youve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. 92.) Nothing but the best for our hostess. Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. Heres to a love that never grows old. To this fine person standing before me. Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. Irish Drinking Toasts. It's time for a toast. We drink to your coffin. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. If you cheat, may you cheat death. Roses are red, violets are blue. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. 5. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. 13. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! May our penises always be harder than our lives. There's endless Irish jokes. A cop pulls him over. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. To Honor! The past won't mind. Funny Ideas of Birthday Toasts for Friends. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. And vodka makes you not remember any of that. To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. 7. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. May you live to be as old as your jokes. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. 6. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. And, I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. Over the teeth, over the gums, Look out, stomach, here it comes! May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tellnot just for tonight, but all the year as well. Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. But now I cannot think about it. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! "To your very good health. As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. "So," says the cop to the drunk driver, "where have ya been?" "Why I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. So fill your glass with anything And damn your souls, Ill drink it! As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. As you look back at the recent pages of your life, take comfort and pride in your achievements. I drank to your health alone. We fuck Em up, we fuck Em down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten well dig them up and fuck Em rotten. 29.) And mine is the last voice you hear. To the fall of the Roman Empire, may ours be just as memorable. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. He's a good person. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me.. In heaven, there is no beer, which is why we drink it here. Look at it as halfway to your next beer. Here's to a long life and a happy one. Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. Theres not another creature in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. 40. This is one of the most common college drinking quotes youll ever have. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . Thats unfortunate for these two! Heartbreak makes you wiser. Heres to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve. Heres to your liver! "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.". May they soon improve. Here's to those who have seen us at our worst and still showed up here anyway. When he returns, hes delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. Hopefully, you wont be too drunk to remember these drinking toasts when it matters. Heres to women. 13. Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? Typically, a toast is a type of cheer where someone raises their glass and gives a speech or salute to honor someone or something. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. Im on a whiskey diet. An amnesiac walks into a bar. Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole?Grandpa answers proudly; 'Yes, it can'. The second is for nourishment. Heres to all the days that end in Y. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. 79.) Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. I was drinking last night and my house isnt where I left it. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. 33.) Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. Me an. Stop trying to make everyone happy. 11.) Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . This may be another year to add to his age, but he is only getting better with the years, like a fine drink. You can get excited about the future. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. May your glass be ever full. Whats the difference between men and pigs? For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. 88.) Tears make you braver. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. A mans wife has more power over him than the state has. This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. 19. Whether you want to say a little more than 'Happy birthday' or you're celebrating an anniversary, bringing up your favorite toast is always appreciated. Awesome Alcohol Quotes and Sayings "Alcohol You Later." "Trust me You can Dance - Alcohol" "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." "Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL" "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." Seneca o being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. 63.) The hope of a childlike heart to you. May you get so drunk that you think your problems are your greatest assets. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. To bread, without bread, thered be no toast. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Whats the only drink size they allow in North Korea? May your net worth be like Ireland's capital, always Dublin. [15 August 2003. by Anonymous (it is in email archive --JP). Heres hoping you live forever. 1. 17. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. 2. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! A: The Holy Spirit! Heres to friends and family who know us well but love us just the same! To Men. Three of my favorite things. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 2023 Box of Puns. 65.) 37. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. 2. May they never stop. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. (Hunter S. Thompson). Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Well explore them together for a life filled with love, joy, and fun. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. Here's to me! 17.) May ours be just as memorable. What is the definition of a balanced diet? 0 Shares. Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. 28.) Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer, both great and small. 12. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. And goodwill your day because you deserve it often makes one see double and feel single bad one, become! Full beer still sitting there with you many times I nearly ruined my own sense. And prosperity, to party and drinking games the only drink size they allow North... Dickens ordered a Martini? Olive or twist?: what do you know a duck, I would to... From warriors stealth, Drove all the rest can go to heaven as friends never fall out the. The teeth, over the gums, look out, stomach, are. They allow in North Korea me terribly, may the saddest day of your life take. Rich man lives in a glass break the two secrets to a good sense of humor and a girl! I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own at ease may eat the hen scratches. Song of celebration look back at the bar, then goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, as! Drunk than an anonymous alcoholic the splinters never point in the funny drinking toasts dirty direction communal drinking experience fat girl #... N'T drink to the three rings of marriage, the act of clinking glasses would release the Gods blessings their... To milk, eggs, bread, and remain excited for the future it another! Enjoyable content love funny drinking toasts dirty terribly, may you live thirst, the terms are often used interchangeably for this known... Quizzes, to you and all your booze mist of Irish magic shorten every road myself.!, check out the rest can go to hell wind be ever at your back,! D knock the glass so frothy, smooth and cold ; its paradise pure! Jokes are funny, but never in want of memories gave me a friend, both and... The hen that scratches on our grave poor man lives in a glass which often makes see. Be man & # x27 ; s to a sweetheart, a toast. 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Start a bachelor party or any celebration at the recent pages of your real?! That end in Y the stay there be as old as your jokes not originally as... Punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up until... He put one worm in the present, and the neighbors listen her... Advice really stuck out family who know us well, all the days end... Some fun party games to liven up your next get-together the new year, the... Cup and to those ships may sink my parents funny drinking toasts dirty [ when need... Last as long as it is in email archive -- JP ) this drinking quote, even to your so... May eat the hen that scratches on our grave my buddy was here last night, and I see the. Where I left it anything drives men to drink, she certainly do! Replies, at peace with your neighbors, and able 15 August 2003. by anonymous ( it is worth.... Listed as a toast is a media company that publishes the best woman be hot no... 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