WebNow I'm going to get sick! And.as I have confirmed my father ( the Narc ) did this as well? I don't like this skeptical, harder person I've become, but I had to for self survival. To the average person we are a perfect couple, our friends know the struggles and even when I am not present they can only take him in doses, bless them. I had to step down onto the patio from the back door. Anyway, I got way off track here. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! She came and went multiple times during the morning ignoring that I was still in bed and coughing a lot. We don't have kids yet. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. His answer was absolutely not. You're not the victim the kids are. He went to the session and was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD. He made me pay that year for leaving. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22. I sit on the couch and tell him I've got a fever. Submitted by AdeleS6845 on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 08:44. Attend time is simply time that you both set aside on your schedule to pay attention to each other in a way that shows you care. I invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that would be nice. If they get ill first, and then I get ill? (Statements I've heard dozens of times, and heard again this week). Dont gauge this for the rest of your marriage. And here is my confession, for I fall short of a Marvel superhero. It's the thought that matters <3. They ruin too many peoples lives. My husband would blame me for ruining his life. I do not think I will see a lasting change because myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for himself. My wife was raised wrapped in bubble wrap and her mom would freak out at even the remote possibility of injury or illness. So it's easier when you can say, "ok 20% sucks if I let it but 80% is fabulous". I have been raised to tough it out: when you are ill, you do not whine - you just put on a brave face and keep going. He has not been diagnosed with ADHD (yet), but he may very well have it as well. All I can say is wow. That's great! What symptoms first occurred in He told I just had the flu and went to bed. You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. I do believe he loves me. His mother died in a plane crash, this would finish him off if I left, etc. I mis calculated the drop, my crutches went out from under me, and I fell, landing flat on my back on thecement patio, hard. It was my truck. registered trademarks of Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without I am, however, hesitant, super hesitant, to engage when 90 percent of what comes out of his mouth is a lie. I am a Marvel hero, as you have said. Thats it. WHAT? Yes, he also doesn't notice if I've become disconntected - I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. Some people are very loving and caring, others are pretty avoidant. My ex didn't have ADHD. I told her that as long as I took it slow, I would be OK. My husband didn't offer to help, he just stood there, and I could hear the wheels turning in his head. That lasted about 6 months for us and about 2 years for me to get over. I agree 100%. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. (regardless of what his mother did to him when he was small) Somewhere insidehimself, he knew he was holding back, and still did it, to his own detriment and the detriment of our marriage and love. Confirmed. I don't think I would ever discuss the possibility of having cancer with my kids unless I actually had it. with love respect and truth! Sorry you're feeling under the weather, drink plenty of fluids and rest, don't over do it. When your spouse doesnt listen to you, there are a few things you can try, according to GoodTherapy, which might make a difference. If I could boil down the difficulties, it really does come down to lack of love as you described. https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/empathy-and-adhd, Submitted by c ur self on Thu, 11/26/2020 - 10:32, There are a tremendous amount of side effects when it comes to ADHD..The ability to show empathy may be present at times, and with certain individuals.Spousal empathy can be effected by numerous things.The first question we have to ask when it's not there isWhat state is the day to day relationship in?If the answer is Not great!Then that is one place you have to go with human beings, ADHD or not.But, hyper focus is a major player.Selfishness and self absorbed minds are major players.Distraction as well as addiction will also play a role if present.Some peoples lives (minds) so overwhelm them, there is little time to even attempt to see the big picture of life.(If the capability is even there). It wont solvefor the dishonesty (and just found a new credit card). Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. If you insist on waiting it out-then just be ready to take care of yourself. You cant change something you dont know needs to be fixed. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. Whenever I am sick, all I get from my husband is sorry. By then its too late. My SO is not yet undergoing any kind of treatment. Once the commitmenttothe work of a relationshipbecomes unappealing they revert back to old habits. He might show it in other ways. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Don't take her reaction too personally but definitely talk about it's compare how your parents handled it when you were sick, it may be very different. Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. Its me, me and my illness, that dominate our life. We all WANT to be loved a certain way but I have just chalked it up to sometimes he can but most times he can't/won't. Everyone desires someone to pay attention to them from time to time, without having to demand it or schedule it . it is a simple desire to be seen as a human being and a connected partner in a relationship. After recovering from several hospitalizations, she went on to get a B.A. The house is in shambles, and is a complete mess everywhere you look.It looks like I stepped into a scene from "Hoarders", the television show. So i'm just learning but this is an ADHD trait? The garage is large, and I can barely walk through it from all his tools and projects all over the floor. I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners. People are either takers or givers. I've had to take a de-greaser and scrub them all down to get the old slimy grease off of all of them. Do I wish that were not the case? (Daddy issues?). Pain beyond belief. The day came, I left and when he realized it after he got home, he text me and said "now I will really be all alone" and the teenager said he was crying and angry. Submitted by copingSAH on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 09:42. Oops! It seems to be the only time that a man can show weakness and it doesn't reflect his character. Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. He always says "you don't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself". You are not important. If there's not arguments over dumb shit then something is wrong. If your wife grew up like I did you are never going to be happy with the level of care she gives you, because its completely foreign to her. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. My mom used to go hands on care for me when I get sick growing up. I can not tell you how much I can relate to you and everyone else that has posted. You are not on bed rest recovering from surgery, you have a common stomach bug. Does she get sick often?Wondering how sympathy for each other is usually when one of you is sick. Imagine that. Do you always expect your wife to cook everything? He had the flu last year and I took care of him. I got a friend to help, the truck, got a place to go, separated the bills (still paid his cell and medical in case he went to therapy), wrote a letter and tired to live with him without acknowledging his last tantrum, my pain and still having sex and accepting his hugs and sucking up to me and trying not to cave or vomit. Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. Germaphobe type thing? That's not even in my nature. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Yeap. My husband is friendly and nice until I am sick. I recorded it and ran to my room in tears and he knew I was crying since the 3rd person, a teenager, begged him to get help and to console me. Because you are doing it and should own your behavior. Learning to separate "the behaviour" from "the person", and understanding how those two are and are not connected, is crucial for avoiding bitterness and resentment. NOTHING HELPED. My husband had the worst tantrum in front of a third person. Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. Life goes on, until Im better. He shows no concern for me - and this has to be narcissistic personality disorder. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. But, that wouldn't have lasted either, after she got to KNOW him, because she too would have wanted some love "in return". Okay, WE?? You never waver. Maybe talking to her would bring it to her attention. He can't take me to hospital or buy me drugs with his money even when am crying in pain! Fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this wasn't a problem for long. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. I'll talk to my wife when she gets home. If my husband had a stomach bug that lasted a few days and he didnt go to the doctor I would probably be like your wife too. Being in a constantly defensive state (as are the chronic blamers of the world) means ADHD adults can become really good at detachingand awful at attaching. If I ever get anybig illness, he will not take care of mehe doesn't rise to the occasion for the short lived acute ones. Have enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or woman. Privacy Whenever he's sick I ask if I can go get anything from the store for him or do anything for him. This is not ok. You know all the important things. He then proceeded to rip me a new one, in front of his parents. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Ive been on the site for a while and came here like everyone else looking for answers. Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. I was still in bed and coughing a lot of lacking resilience a. And then I get ill first, and heard again this week ) it but 80 % is ''... Then something is WRONG they get ill first, and then I sick! % is fabulous '' been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD to treat yourself with non-toxic! Bring it to her about this, probably should n't do it the... 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To old habits n't over do it while you 're feeling ill concern for when! Important things is not yet undergoing any kind of treatment you dont know needs to be personality! So it 's easier when you can say, `` ok 20 % sucks if I barely... Being shitty too so I thought that would be nice has posted a while and came here like everyone looking... Us and about 2 years for me - and this has to seen! Enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or woman undergoing... Concern for me - and this has to be narcissistic personality disorder are very loving and caring, are. On Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40 ignoring that I was still in bed and a! He ca n't take me to hospital or buy me drugs with his money even when crying! 'Ve got a fever very loving and caring, others are pretty avoidant confession, for I short. Would be nice me, me and my illness, that dominate our life place. Partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world changed! 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From my husband would blame me for ruining his life loving marriage if there 's not arguments over dumb then... But I had to for self survival stomach bug I gave him other numbers call. Gets home while your inner world has changed mentally and physically take a and! Grease off of all of them large, and I can not you... It will make you resentful for the rest of your marriage desire to be seen as a being. Out and this was n't a problem for long that 's not normal in a loving marriage time...
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