He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. And Im 14!! Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. And yes, I think that would be great for many reasons. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. Discuss a plan with mom. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. xxx. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. Hang in there! Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. they will be happy, more emotionally-healthy adults because of the love we giveeven if they seem to ignore it now, they need us. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. It hurts. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. 1. When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. And hug your wife. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. Here is the good news: you are not alone. Trying to raise a 1 year old is impossible. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. Please help! Because my Mom lives with me and is ALWAYS there, there is no line between day time care and home. January 26, 2013. We now understand that this is just a phase and will follow through on your suggestions, Well i am very upset these days my problem is when i use to come back from home my baby didnt comes to me he goes to everyones hand except me i use to cry at night daily of this reason i have fear that he will forget me forever and the attachment will not develop between me and with my baby in 24 hrs he use to come in my hand for only 1 hr.Will my baby forgets me forever or will not i use to wait daily for him at office to meet him as soon as possible but he doesnt gives any reaction to me when i come to home,i am very tensed please give solid solution as he is closed to his grandma and with my brother-in-law. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. But it seems she does. I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. Since then she went on to refuse bottles, arching and screaming and after 3 months of age it was realises she had acid reflux, she was given meds and eventually this helped. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. Try and make him happy. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. I feel very sad when this happens as I am already sitting in my home for her resigned from my job.She never wants to come to me. Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! Playing with her, cuddling her, holding her, rocking her to sleepif I could sing her to sleep it was rare. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! So, yes, absolutely discuss how you can help each other more. She seems to have the same behavior with my wife too. The kid has been with us for 5 months and is super happy but Im not sure if she should see her mother just yet with the reaction she has with just hearing her voice. I nursed him up until a month ago. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. 1. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. At 12 mos the situation was improved. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). She does not have any memories of you crying and even if she did, she wouldnt hate you for it. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. Thank you so much for responding so quickly! Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. It took me a while to get into the groove of motherhood not sure whether it was my age, post partum? However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. I have an 8 month old daughter. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. But it is by no means too late. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. She is breastfed but dh has been been I am very responsive with both. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. blessings to you all. Weekends too. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. Try putting the bottle itself inside a brightly coloured sock or wrap it in some clothing that smells of his mother. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. Can you please help? He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. Please help me out of this. What happened? Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. But you say that you gave up on her. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. Please hang in there mommies and daddies. I just left my 4-month-old son for the first time overnight with my parents. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. Babies dont put anything extra in a certain word compared to another. Please take care. I felt like a true bond wasnt there. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! this time we were alone in the room. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). First thing to remember is to feed the baby. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. Please help! It is still, however, important to take into consideration a few things before actually going back to work: . How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? Thanks, Mai!!! Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. I dont know what to do. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. Let's go for a stroll! Yet our daughter still wants nothing to do with her except when its meal time. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. Play games together with both her and her if needed. I hope its just a phase. thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. If anything, it will harm the situation more. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. Plan pumping while at work. Or that babies dont do that. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. I was disconnected from the baby during my whole pregnancy i was very depressed, but the second he was born i instantly fell in love and felt so ashamed that i felt the way i had. but around the age of 8 or 9 months she just would prefer other peopleshe would go with anyoneI was hurt and devastated. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! This is painful, really painful. 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